August122013

Slacker alert …

That’s so me! Definite slacker here. I know I need to get back to writing here. To the few of you that follow - sorry I have been MIA.

Smooches,
Not so depressed, but still single GLW :)

July292012

Candidly Uncandid

I’ve finally stopped crying long enough to write this blog … 

Sometimes I wonder, does anyone hear me? Have I asked God for too much and he has subsequently tuned me out? Is it ok to just be content? Is content the new happy? Or rather should I just accept where I am in life and not question it or want more? Should I just accept that tragedy is apart of life? And remove all emotions and feelings and expressions from my life? I wish I could. 

2012 has been a HELL of a year. Truly and completely. I cannot think of many things that went well this year. Aside from the new lovely car I have, yes its a blessing, but still its a material possession. And my pain comes not from the lack of material possessions, but the lack of love and life I feel, the repeat of disappointment and tragedy I have faced. 

A rough break up, major surgery, losing my father, a long frustrating house sell, trying to find a new, losing out on the job of my dreams … have left me feeling deserted, alone, defeated, depressed. I try to be happy, to maintain a pleasant facade. But I cannot keep it up anymore. I have people in my life that love me, genuinely do. But they have lives that they must live. And often times I need more than a phone call or text message to feel loved or alive. Sometimes I just need a hug or quality time to keep me going. 

I constantly count my blessings, and some days its enough to keep me going. But other days, I need more. I need just a friendly smile over lunch. Just someone to listen and nod there head while I cry and complain. While I say how much I miss my dad, how let down I am by my seemingly ‘good’ choices in life, how much I miss my family, how much I hate my mortgage company and how depressed I am that I didnt get that job.

For now, I will continue to feel sorry for myself. Tomorrow is a new day. I’ll count my blessings again tonight, and hopefully by the morning I will feel atleast content with where I am in life. If not, I’ll have a drink and hope I don’t turn into an alcoholic (complete joke).

Honestly,

GLW or rather Single Lesbian Looking for Happiness.

love loss 

July272012

Update

It has been quite awhile since I have updated any of my blogs (I have three). But I felt it was important to come on here and write something (even though this one has the lowest readership lol). Anyway all is good in my land! 

I have had a very rough year - my girlfriend (now ex) moved across country, I had surgery and then my daddy died. I am still struggling to sell my house and find a new job. I also lost out on the job of my dreams. And where does that leave me????

Content, struggling to be happy, AND surviving. Life is not fair, it is not easy and it damn sure gets ugly. But what I have learned  - that sometimes, SOMETIMES, its easier to take a few punches and keep rolling, rather than wallow in self pity. So to any one out there, that maybe reading this - be blessed and happy. 

-GLW

May112012

Medical Leave and ME

So I have been home for five weeks. And I am miserable! Besides experimenting with my natural hair - I watch TV and eat all day. I cannot run yet and I don’t have many friends that are local, most of them are 1,000 plus miles from me. My girlfriend (that I oh so love and thought I would be marrying) took a wonderful job on the other side of the country. So where does that leave me?

Struggling to be happy. To recover. To sell my house. But I just want to move closer to my family. I don’t think I have ever been so depressed in my life. I cry almost every day. AND my girlfriend and I broke up. 

BUT today and the next day I am going to try and do one thing that makes me happy. I cannot go running for awhile, but I can walk. So I am going to walk until I can run again in all aspects of my life. 

May92012

Obama for Gay Marriage

Last night on ABC Obama vocalized his support for Gay Marriage (I know finally). I cannot say that I am happy or disappointed, I always felt like he did support the LGBT community. Times are definitely changing … I wonder what Mitt Romney has to say? Obama might be winning over some of those Log Cabin Republicans. :)

Huffingtingpost.com has the video and a short article on it, check it out below:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/09/obama-gay-marriage_n_1503245.html

April262012

Natural Black Hair

So I havent had a relaxer since August of 2010. However since then I have been wearing hair weaves while I grew my perm out. My relaxer is completely grown out and about chin length. I decided to take the next couple weeks and wear my own here. And being ‘a naturalista’  ’a curly girl’ or whatever you want to call it maybe the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. 

I got my first relaxer when I was 3 (I know blame my momma) and got my last relaxer when I was 29. I have no idea how to handle my natural hair. But I feel like this is a journey that I need to stay on and figure out. 

10AM

Fibroids and African American Women

Recently I had three massive Fibroids removed, in addition I also had a little Endometriosis removed from my ovaries. Fibroids plague 90% of the women in my family. For me, this has been a bit more scarier because I am 31 with no children. The removal of fibroids can affect one’s fertility in a positive or negative way. My concern as a woman that still wants a child was how it would affect my chances of getting pregnant after the surgery and any complications that may occur. 

Almost three weeks after my surgery, there were no complications that I know of yet.  I also feel much better than I did pre surgery. Good bye to heavy periods, bad cramping and frequent urination. Not to mention I have a flat tummy finally!

Lastly I encourage all women to be mindful of there health issues and there power in making there own health decisions. One of the things that bothered me the most about this experience is that I knew for years that I had this fibroid. For years my doctor suggested we “wait and see” how the Fibroids developed, even though I had heavy periods for years. To make a long story short by the time I had the Fibroids (totaling 3-4 pounds) removed I had to have an abdominal incision in lieu of safer, quicker laser surgery. Even though for years I questioned her about my options, different treatments and the size of my Fibroids. I felt that if I didn’t mention, neither would my doctor. And her being my doctor may be changing soon. 

Finally I was lucky to be referred to a great fertility specialist that did an awesome job. I am healing well and looking forward to working, running and going to the beach in my bikini again! 

April142012

Finally …

Finally I have had a few seconds to jump on this blog. I have had a number of things going on and unfortunately neglected to put anytime on this page. Most recently I had some surgery that put me on bedrest and I am finally feeling well enough to do a bit of blogging, internet researching, facebooking. :)

I really want to use this page more often as an outlet to voice the crazy things going on in my life. At the beginning of the year I chose to cry, whine, pout, bitch complain, but now I am going to try and channel that energy and those frustrations into more positive venues. The only positive outlet I had utilitzed was putting together my vision book. Which is coming along slow, but nicely. 

Just a quick update - I have not been running lately of course, because I have been laid up trying to recover (from my myomectomy - more on that later). My very loving girlfriend and I are still together (albeit in a very difficult situation), I am almost done transitioning into natural hair (again more details later), I found a seller for my house and I have a new outlook on life. 

To all and anyone that might be reading this, have a nice day. :)

livelovelife :)

March132012

Hello out there

So it has been awhile since I have last posted. The post was based on an article I read on how to be happy in 2012. Which was great. I still refer back to that. It had some really good tips in there. I think we women tend to stress way too much!

So speaking of stress I have had so much going on!!!! But I promise I will get into that all soon. I will be in touch more! To everyone that stumbles across this post, be blessed! :)

February122012

Ushering in 31 years old

Many people say, “you aren’t a woman until you are 30” and they might be right. Not because I was thrust into ‘adulthood’ at 30. Nor because I found some kind of independence that is defined in feminist self-help books. I became a woman at 30, because I learned to love. Excuse me, I learned to love someone that did not share blood with me or has been a loyal friend since grade school. I love and I trusted. AND it was absolutely amazing.

Originally when I started to write this post, I wanted to write about love, and triumph and everything good and golden. But life isn’t always that. While year thirty has been one of the best years of my life, it has also ended with quite a few unresolved issues. Let’s say year 31 will involve cleaning up all those issues – health, finances holding on to a relationship.

I could go on and on and on. But I rather share this. I was having a sh*tty day a couple days after I turned 31. I was on a flight to Virginia for a job interview (side note – I didn’t get the job). I happen to be in the middle seat (which I loathe) and this gentleman sat down on my right. He turns around to me and explains that he has Crohn’s disease and that his colostomy bag burst. And that he needed to get home to get it fixed. Delta was reluctant to let him get on the flight and he was sorry for the inconvenience to me and the other customers. But he needed to go home.

The last month I have been going through A LOT. But this instance put my life into prospective. I only have minor health issues, I am gainfully employed, I have a loving relationship and a loving family. All the issues I have been grappling with as of late seem so small in comparison to what this man was going through.

It’s so easy to get caught up in our own problems. And I am a total believer in VENTING, its good for the soul. But at the end of the day we need to respect that we are not the only people with issues. And like the saying, “there will always be someone prettier and smarter” please remember that there will always be someone “worst off.”

 

-Not so depressed anymore, but still dealing with my issues seriously.

GLW 

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